|
Dearest Claude,
How farest thee? It sorrows me to say that I do need thee to maketh
me three more of my personalized three-legged stools. I have been in Bristol for a fortnite and have broken all five of thy
most sturdy contraptions. Of course, thy knowest full well why so I shall tarry not into the sordid details. Please be not
begrumpled my hardy friend for because of it, I have more than enough funds to send to thee.
Anon, dear compatriot, I will see thee soon. When I do, I will give
thee payment in coin and *personable* gifts. If thou seest mine ass of a husband, Petruchio, box his ears for me and
send my love to him with thy foot in his hindquarters.
Katherine
My beloved Gabriella:
England treats me very well, although I miss you terribly, my dear friend. I must confess the men
in England are just as handsome as in Venice. Unfortunately, they do not quite have the same passion for life that our dear
Venetian gentlemen do possess. Howe'er, they tend to woo even the courtesans much more than back home. They spout love poems
and send roses along with the money received. The English put a bit more emphasis on love rather than lust. I have already
had many men fall in love with me without so much as kissing them! I hate to admit it it, of course, but I am actually quite
flattered!
There is no one man for me as of yet. I still remember the most important lesson you ever taught me:
never fall in love. Howe'er, I cannot help hoping that one day I might be fortunate enough to find real love. Visit as soon
as you can my dear. You are welcome as often as you like!
Send my love to father-
Yours forever,
Miranda
Dear Diary,
Thou knowest the pain unto which I have suffered these past months.
My heart has been cleaved in twain and only through my own resilience hath the knitting back, unto a whole been e'en possible.
O the falsity of man! O that I, so young and gay in body and in spirit, should learn the true nature of man. He that I loved
so well was truly a man of wax, so sculpted in form, so careful and rich of tongue. He whispered the world unto mine ears,
and I did take his words, I did swallow them like butter. Was I to foresee the malcontent that lurked behind his earnest eyes?
The fallacious bitterness distorted by the sweet and golden honey dripping off his deceptive lips? A tempestous romance can
only end in carnage and in tears if thy love doth return to woo Diana in your stead! God's death! A plague on his house, to
be certes.
But I dwell not. Erroneous affairs are past hope, past care, past
help, and I care not to settle upon them. Indeed, I have grown from my tragedy. My perception hast been duly revised. Take
example, I have learned the manipulation of the stronger sex. I have grown to know when to gather my earnings and bid adieu,
when to prolong, and when to curtail. Aside from an intricate knowledge of the makings of an endearing smile and a familiarity
with the more complex sailors' knots, I have grown more flexible and acquired an odd resilience to most poisons.
That is all for now, diary, I shall return upon the morn, perhaps.
The one and only,
Juliet
To the unrequited Signior Benedick Mountante of Padua-
It doth pain me to once again reject thy wedding proposal, yet I shall
nevertheless take great pains upon myself to do it. Thou hast said of our complexions that we are both too wise to woo peaceably,
and withal I must needs agree. I marvel thou hast nary a wit in thy head as to suggest I should become thy wife. Marry, not
til God make men of some other mettle than earth shall I be betrothed. Would it not grieve a woman to be over-mastered with
a piece of valiant dust? In sooth, I do welcome our wordy skirmishes, as cat doth pleasure in toying with a mouse, but hear
me plainly; I shall not truly love any man to such depths that I should sink into the pitiable state of marriage. Thou hast
asked me if I love thee: verily, I tell thee it matters not. I make no confessions of love or dispassion unto thee; in faith,
thou canst not know the secrets of my heart, for such knowledge lies beyond the grasp of one whose favors til lately did skip
about as a stone upon the Thames. Pray, am I to believe the new confessions of one once as fiercely committed as I to the
illustrious state of bachelorhood? Lord! I trow, if thy words grow any fairer, I shall be forced to shave thy beard and dress
thee as my waiting woman, for the fiery resolution of thy former manhood hath chilled and congealed into such sick sighting,
barely a soul canst recognize thee as anything other than a lovestruck maid, save that thou dost lack the fair countenance
of anything other than an ape. I pray thee, take leave of me so as to venture on a pilgrimage for thy wits, as few as they
are, and save me from these unnecessary missives. Thy senseless sojourn into Love's Realm suits thee not- get thee hence,
and look not back!
Thy Lady Tongue of Disdain-
Beatrice
|
